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Thursday, November 15, 2012

UnVeiling Expectations in Adoption (part 2)

It’s November. Its National Adoption Month! I hope you have read my previous posts on adoption and especially yesterdays on the beginning of my series ‘Unveiling Expectations in Adoption.’ I want those who are pursuing adoption to be prepared, as much as one can, for this difficult and delightful process. There are many ‘trials’ leading up to your child being apart of your family and after trials as well.  Yesterday, I explained 5 expectations that we might have of others that are mostly unrealistic. Today, I’m using the same 5 expectations on the other side, 5 things that people will do to help. It’s the same list but in complete reverse!

5 Ways Others will help:

Some will understand.
When my husband and I first began telling people about our plans to adopt we were bursting at the seam with joy. We waited several months to tell people and when we finally told people we expected them to be just as excited. Some where but some were not. They didn’t understand why we were adopting. But, at the same time we had families whom we never new adopted take us out to dinner and encourage and rejoice with us. We had family who were jumping for joy to be ‘grandparents’ for the first time, even through this ‘unconvientional’ way. We had family who wept and were encouraged in their faith that we were going to  pursue orphans to bring into our family. What a delight and breathe of fresh air. So many people won’t understand but lots will. Chances are they have been praying for orphans and adoption care for years and rejoicing that they are going to be apart of it in some way.

Some won’t be  leery at all. 
Expect family, friends, co-workers to be leery. People, by default, are leery of the unknown. At the same time, some of your friends, co-workers, church members, family won’t think it’s weird or odd or question it at all. They won’t ask you tons of fertility questions, “We didn’t know you were trying” “How long have you tried to have children,” “Are there any other options?” They will simply not question what you are doing but rejoice that you are growing your family and giving orphans a mother and a father. Be thankful for them. Love on them and tell them how much you appreciate their support.

Some will really want adoption to happen.
Along those in your life who won’t want this adoption to happen there will be those who stand out and want this adoption to happen. They will pray for you, call you, send you letters because they really want you to pursue adoption care. They will want this for you and your future children, they are able to see beyond themselves and their questions and want this to happen.

Some won’t ask rude, uncalled for questions
People will ask rude, uncalled for questions. Just expect it. Don’t let it bother you. But, as stated earlier, there will be people who won’t. They won’t ask anything except, “What do you need?” They will simply rejoice with you and for your future children.

Many will help
When a mother is pregnant others will come out of the woodworks to help and there will be those who will do the same for a family growing through adoption. Some will plan meals for family for a few weeks so that you can focus on your new additions and not have to worry about cooking on that stove. Some will throw you showers, ask for specific ways to pray for your family, rejoice with you publicly and stand by you and meet any needs you may have.

Rejoice when people do the above things. Not everybody will. We must be realistic in our approach and expect people to respond differently. No matter how your family and friends respond pray for them. Be patient with them and try to help them see why you are doing this, in a graceful manner. Pray for those who are willing to help, pray they will gain an even more understanding of our adoption in Christ. Rejoice and be grateful for their help, encouragement and support!

Other Stories from My Adoption:
My Daughter’s Story.
My Son’s Story. 

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