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Thursday, November 15, 2012

UnVeiling Expectations in Adoption (part 2)

It’s November. Its National Adoption Month! I hope you have read my previous posts on adoption and especially yesterdays on the beginning of my series ‘Unveiling Expectations in Adoption.’ I want those who are pursuing adoption to be prepared, as much as one can, for this difficult and delightful process. There are many ‘trials’ leading up to your child being apart of your family and after trials as well.  Yesterday, I explained 5 expectations that we might have of others that are mostly unrealistic. Today, I’m using the same 5 expectations on the other side, 5 things that people will do to help. It’s the same list but in complete reverse!

5 Ways Others will help:

Some will understand.
When my husband and I first began telling people about our plans to adopt we were bursting at the seam with joy. We waited several months to tell people and when we finally told people we expected them to be just as excited. Some where but some were not. They didn’t understand why we were adopting. But, at the same time we had families whom we never new adopted take us out to dinner and encourage and rejoice with us. We had family who were jumping for joy to be ‘grandparents’ for the first time, even through this ‘unconvientional’ way. We had family who wept and were encouraged in their faith that we were going to  pursue orphans to bring into our family. What a delight and breathe of fresh air. So many people won’t understand but lots will. Chances are they have been praying for orphans and adoption care for years and rejoicing that they are going to be apart of it in some way.

Some won’t be  leery at all. 
Expect family, friends, co-workers to be leery. People, by default, are leery of the unknown. At the same time, some of your friends, co-workers, church members, family won’t think it’s weird or odd or question it at all. They won’t ask you tons of fertility questions, “We didn’t know you were trying” “How long have you tried to have children,” “Are there any other options?” They will simply not question what you are doing but rejoice that you are growing your family and giving orphans a mother and a father. Be thankful for them. Love on them and tell them how much you appreciate their support.

Some will really want adoption to happen.
Along those in your life who won’t want this adoption to happen there will be those who stand out and want this adoption to happen. They will pray for you, call you, send you letters because they really want you to pursue adoption care. They will want this for you and your future children, they are able to see beyond themselves and their questions and want this to happen.

Some won’t ask rude, uncalled for questions
People will ask rude, uncalled for questions. Just expect it. Don’t let it bother you. But, as stated earlier, there will be people who won’t. They won’t ask anything except, “What do you need?” They will simply rejoice with you and for your future children.

Many will help
When a mother is pregnant others will come out of the woodworks to help and there will be those who will do the same for a family growing through adoption. Some will plan meals for family for a few weeks so that you can focus on your new additions and not have to worry about cooking on that stove. Some will throw you showers, ask for specific ways to pray for your family, rejoice with you publicly and stand by you and meet any needs you may have.

Rejoice when people do the above things. Not everybody will. We must be realistic in our approach and expect people to respond differently. No matter how your family and friends respond pray for them. Be patient with them and try to help them see why you are doing this, in a graceful manner. Pray for those who are willing to help, pray they will gain an even more understanding of our adoption in Christ. Rejoice and be grateful for their help, encouragement and support!

Other Stories from My Adoption:
My Daughter’s Story.
My Son’s Story. 

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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Unveiling Expectations in Adoption Series

This month I’m sharing lots of stories, tidbits, and helps on Adoption. November is a busy month preparing for holidays but it is also National Adoption month and I can’t overlook it. I’ve shared with you my Precious Daughter and My Courageous Son and today I’m sharing expectations from others.

 In life we all have expectations. Some expectations are okay such as drivers not driving drunk but sometimes unrealistic expectations can really hurt us if others don’t do what we expect of them. A major issue in adoption is having lots of expectations of others. When they aren’t meet it can create family and friend drama, discord and hurt relationships.

 Please, be patient with others around you. Most at the beginning won’t understand, most will be leery of your adoption, some won’t want it to happen at all, some will ask rude questions and some won’t help you at all. I’ve found that this  for the most part only happens at the beginning of your adoption process. People are uncomfortable with the unknown and adoption is a huge mystery and unknown for most people in your life.

Expectations from Others:

Expect others to not understand
When my husband and I first began telling people about our plans to adopt we were bursting at the seam with joy. We waited several months to tell people and when we finally told people we expected them to be just as excited. Some where but some were not. They didn’t understand why we were adopting. Why we would adopt before we had ‘biological’ children. Why we would want to do such a thing. Someone told us that these kids would never be ‘fowlers’ because they didn’t have ‘fowler’ blood. Relax, give them time. Pray that they would see the Gospel and our adoption  through Christ. My response, by the way to the ‘blood’ questions is that, “I’m a Fowler” for life. My family is the Fowler family. It’s apart of me and yet I have no Fowler blood. I was not born a Fowler but became one through marriage.

Expect others to be leery 
Expect family, friends, co-workers to be leery. People, by default are leery of the unknown. What will this look like at Christmas, you are bringing two more children in, spending has to go up, more birthdays, more room at the table and so on. Expect others to be leery of their behavior not being appropriate and scared of how they might act.

Expect others to not want it to happen
Believe it or not expect others in your life to not want adoption to happen. Again, many people just fear the unknown and what it will look like for them. With pregnancies they can expect the outcome, 9 months of waiting and then comes baby, and several years before dialogue and it’s a long process before they are older. With adoption you can gain an instant baby, three year old or older child overnight.

Expect others to ask rude, uncalled for questions
People will ask rude, uncalled for questions. Just expect it. Don’t let it bother you. Predict the questions, prepare for them and prepare to respond, creatively and with humor. In my hometown I’ve been met with lots of questions because my son is now 8. I’ve had people tell me, “I thought you disappeared your senior year!” I just laughed after the third time I heard that. I actually would have disappeared a few years prior to my senior year to give birth to a now 8 year old and I didn’t disappear, I just co-opted my senior year so I was only in school half a day! In some ways adopting a child from a different ethnicity is a little more easier for people to understand without asking questions but having a child from the same ethnicity and your yourself looking young anyway will prompt lots of questions.

Expect others to not help
When a mother is pregnant others will come out of the woodworks to help. They will bless them with showers and send meals after the birth. They will expect the family to be MIA for a while. With adoption don’t expect others to jump through hoops to help. Reality is it’s new for them and a lot of times they just don’t think of ways to help because they have never been in this situation.

Pray for them. Be patient with them and try to help them see why you are doing this, in a graceful manner. It’s easy to be defensive and angry that they don’t understand why you have such a heart for those who are orphans and how we were all once orphaned but don’t. Love them. Help them. Pray for them. Minister to them in every way possible. 

Tomorrow a follow up post will be posted. I want there to be an understanding of expectations of how people might react negatively but also encourage you with the ways people with react positively. I’ve had lots of the list above, the rude and hurtful questions but I’ve also had so many who have encouraged me with not asking ‘those’ questions and loving on me and my kids!

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Monday, November 12, 2012

Adoption Month.

November is busy. Thanksgiving is right around the corner and Christmas is around the next corner. Traveling, shopping and our normal everyday tasks to be complete but there’s something I don’t want to over look, Adoption Month. November is the ‘official’ adoption month. 

I want to share my story, again, and give you information and stories from other families who have had the privilege of adopting! If you have any questions or want more details about adoption please, please, please e-mil me directly! I’ve only adopted from foster care but I’m in a church that has adopted from just about every where in the world so I have tons of resources to help!

This is the official National Adoption Month website.

Just in case you missed it here are a few posts I’ve shared on Adoption.

Sharing my daughter with you, her life before Adoption, a testimony of grace.

Photos 1, 2, 3 & 5 taken from Rebecca Johnston Photography.

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Saturday, November 10, 2012

Weekend Reads.

Hope your weekend is going well! I blogged {almost} every day in October and enjoyed it but, this week has caught up to me! I’m planning great things for November, including Homemade Christmas gift ideas, ways to simplify your stressful holidays and lots of posts on Adoption! Stay tuned! ‘Like me’ on Facebook if you haven’t already, or subscribe!

Christians, Let’s Honor the President – Dr. Russell Moore

Excellent reminder that even if we are against the standards, views and positions of our elected President we are called to honor him. 

Parenting Is Hard for a Reason- Christiania Fox on The Gospel Coalition
Read this article and soak it in, parenting is hard for a reason. The difficulty of it is pointing and exposing our own sin, which we so desperately need!

Reality Mothering- Nicole Whitcare on Girl Talk Blog
Unveil the reality of mothering, see that your worst moment shouldn’t be compared to other’s best moments displayed on social media or other means. Pin It Now!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Things Worth Writing Down

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Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Refabric your Chair (30).

How refreshing would it be to sit in this? My crafty cousin is letting me share this project she made, she did a great job turning a normal chair into something fabulous! 

Linking to: Women Living WellTime Warp WifeRaising HomemakersWomen in the Word Wednesday
We are THAT Family,Monday:Better Mom   Make the Scene Monday  Your MondayNinth Street NotionsDIY ShowoffMad SkillsCraft O Mania, Something I whipped up, Tuesday: Tip Junkie, Today’s Creative BlogTake a Look Glam PartyVintage Wanna Bee,Wednesday: Whatever GoesWhat I Whipped Up Hoo’s Got Talent?Yesterday on TuesdayTransformation ThursdaThursday: Homemaker’s ChallengeCatch a Glimpse PartyThe Idea Room Friday: Feasting in Fellowship, Remodelaholic, Tidy MomHome and FamilyFun Friday Finds
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Monday, October 29, 2012

Unwasted Homemaking #39

Welcome back to the Unwanted Homemaking Linky! I’m excited to party this week and see all of your amazing ideas! I’m looking for features on my blog so make sure link up as many as you want ;). Check out some of the link up’s from last week:

Fall Porch from Second Chance to Dream

DIY Infinity Scarf from A Modern Day Fairy Tale

Delightfully Free from Always Learning

This recipe is gluten, dairy and sugar free!

Get ready to party {Homemaker’s style}. If your a blogger…
Please Link back in some way 😉
Keep it related to Homemaking… which only excludes a few things. Any recipe, family tradition, devotional on homemaking/mothering, cleaning tip, craft etc

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